A Little Black Magic
Thursday, August 17, 2000 - 23:10
In this week's Livin' Large spotlight, mild-mannered Henry acquires a Voodoo Doll -- and his life is never the same.
Carla has a mean streak. She regularly insults her "useless" husband Henry, and when the neighbors visit, she does nothing but brag and tell crass jokes.
Henry doesn't dare confront her. She makes good money at the lab, much better than his psychic hotline "job". Plus, well, she can kick his butt.
At a psychic's convention, Henry finds the ultimate passive-aggressive weapon: a voodoo doll! He knows that such things really don't work, but at least he can vent some frustration with it.
Henry tucks the doll away in his shed, alongside other worthless "collectibles": the "psychic" crystal ball, the "talking" moose head, the "magic" genie lamp.
The next time the neighbors visit, Henry makes dinner for everyone. Carla immediately lays into him. "How can you possibly have burnt my hamburger and served our guests raw meat?!"
Henry hangs his head. After clearing the dishes, he goes into the shed to take out some frustration. He grabs the doll out of its box and starts shaking it angrily. "Burnt? That burger was PERFECT!"
Out on the patio, Carla is right in the middle of a really scathing remark. Suddenly, she begins flailing about, as if tossed into an invisible spin dryer.
Henry's jaw hits the floor. Can it be? The Voodoo Doll is REAL? He gives it an experimental poke.
Carla doubles over. "Ohh, my stomach! I told you that burger was no good!"
As Carla recovers, Henry hastily puts the doll away and returns to the party. "Are you all right, dearest?" He is not cruel, and genuinely loves Carla. But Henry is intelligent, and he knows that people can be...trained.
Now, whenever Carla's mean streak shows itself, one of her strange "seizures" occurs. The doll, meanwhile, has moved to a more convenient location -- right next to Henry's beloved chess set.
Life takes a turn for the brighter, as quiet, friendly Henry now lives with quiet, friendly Carla. They say long-lasting marriages never lose that special magic. But they never said where it comes from...